I have had a difficult year for my own personal reasons. And maybe it was more difficult then last or less or maybe in the moment it just seems like more and sometimes less. I know that I am grateful for each moment and that I have the strength to find my way through the mess and clean the grime off from a hard day or week..
I had a good summer peppered with moments I thought I might just fall apart at the seams and spill out. But I am starting to realize that if i spill out, if i burst the seams, if i scream or cry, if i am at the end at my worst I have people who will not leave me. They wont need to take a moment from me or anything like that. They will stand by and they know that I will do the same . And its not in exchange for the other but because love allows us to give others slack, to realize and except others oddities and love them.
Love also gives you love for yourself. I learned how to love better than ever this year. TO love others to love myself more. And not everyone has to love me or except the totality of me. That's not an easy concept, I mean we all want love . And when those few don't love or cant love all of you all the time it burns a whole inside your chest and vibrates low down all day long. But it's just life..we don't always get what we want or have things turn out how we want.
It's not easy but life isn't. And I still feel ; laugh , cry, get angry, struggle, get freaked out..it makes me feel amazing.
SO thank you to the ones who have never and will never go away. I hope you have the same faith in me
And I open to more love maybe new maybe not. I Thinks that is the important part, let it heal but not harden you. Life moves and changes and you never know where you might end up.