Thursday, November 26, 2009

I am Nic and I am better off then when this started

I am going to get a little personal. My name is Nic, I am loved, I love, and I am in love...

I saw this image and I started thinking about Who I have loved , who has loved me, and who I love now. It dawned on me that somewhere down the line I was told I was worth nothing , I believed it and after a while I let myself be "loved" by people who thought I was worth nothing, reinforcement. I gave myself what I deserved. But I has discovered that I am worth something and I did not do not deserve to be treated as I was.

I do not know how I went from thinking I deserved nothing to realizing I did deserve something .. I think it had something to do with my wonderful friends who love me so much and who have been beating it into my head and holding my hand. But it also has something to do with finding someone who loves me truly , deeply, madly and whom I love in the same manner. He has made me believe in myself and made my bruised heart as BETTER than new.

Everything that hurt before is still there, nothing is erased, but the promise that the things to come will be so much better than before has made me a new person.

Today give yourself what you deserve, believe in yourself and give all those other people a big fuck you!

I had a dream last night and this was the conversation that went on between a girl and boy on a park bench. I thought it was odd and lovely:

Boy: I love you more than almost anything

Girl: what do you love more?

Boy: well , air? Because..if i can't breathe I can't be with you..

Girl: But would you give it up for me?

Boy: hmm.. yes

Girl: I love you more than anything! I would endure every ounce of pain i have ever felt if it meant I could hold your hand for one minute, I would, by my own hand, die if it meant you could be happy, i would..give you this lollipop right now if you asked cause ...well nothing is a big deal anymore

Boy: I think you're a big deal,can i have the lollipop?

Girl: No , it was figurative..

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