Sunday, July 21, 2013

Keepin busy

The past few years have been filled to the brim with HUGE milestones in my life. Three years ago I embarked on my journey to my bachelors only to be followed by a marriage proposal, acceptance into a masters program, a marriage, my first house with my husband ,a pregnancy and birth.

When I began my first semester with the SFSU speech pathology masters program and my first months as a married woman I thought that was tough enough. However, life had more in line for me. I remember the first day of dysphagia, the most intense course I've ever taken, sitting in the pub talking to my friends about missed periods and false pregnancy tests. We laughed and they assured me I was not pregnant. A few weeks later and another (3rd) period missed on my way to get a pack of cigarettes I bought yet another pregnancy test.  I figured like all the others this one would be negative. I followed the directions on the little pink box , left the little stick on the counter and went about my buisness. About ten minutes later I walked down our small hallway to the bathroom to throw away what I thought would be the final confirmation that I was NOT pregnant. I slide the stick off the counter and casually looked for the words NOT PREGNANT. Much to my surprise, in tiny black font ,read PREGNANT. Stunned I dropped the stick and sobbed.

My husband and I , freshly married , were not trying for a baby. We talked about the PERFECT time being years from now. So, to say the least I was surprise. To this day I can't find the right words to describe how I felt in that moment. I was not sad or mad or disappointed but my system was shocked. 

"What would my husband think?"
"What would my family think"
"Would I be able to continue school"
"Would I be able to nuture and prepare my brand new marriage for this new adventure"

To my surprise my family all reacted the same, pure excitement.  My fears quickly became out shadowed by happiness, excitement and a love that can only be understood through experience.

A year later and one healthy baby I couldn't imagine a better life. Who I am, who I became is exactly what I needed. Im not sure how I got through ( with flying colors) school being pregnant ( and I hated being pregnant). But I have come to realize my strength and power as a woman, a student , a wife,a friend and as nic.

My life seems like its perpetually in the fast lane but I think thats okay. The last few years are highlighted with incredible milestones and achievements. As I finish this year I will earn my masters, put another year of marriage under my belt and celebrate my babies first birthday.

I like to imagine walking across that stage once more, shaking my professors hands and looking over seeing a little chubby hand waving at her mommy.

It wasn't the plan I made , but it was a plan made just for me.

No comments: